Life lately: The blues

11:44 Sandra N.U. 21 Comments

 

 This is a difficult post to compose. I wanted to share a 'life lately' post and started writing but it became a tedious blow by blow account of NYSC woes. I closed the tab and wondered if I should even put up a post on this. When have you shared too much? I'm concerned about that too.
     I can't remember when last I felt this defeated. I'm a Nigerian who schooled and continue to live in Nigeria so you know I've had my fair share of Naija problems. Why is this one getting to me so much? This has to do with my NYSC posting. Now Your Suffering Commences. I used to laugh at this reverse backronym for National Youth Service Corps but it's not funny. It's true. Forget camp, it's three weeks (and I was granted exeat on health grounds). For the rest of the year I was posted to Eti-osa LGA, to a division of the Nigerian Army in Victoria Island. Still close to home. Good news. 
     The long and short of the wahala is that they chose to ignore my address, my LG, my health as evidenced by a medical report, all their nearby hospitals- and send me to their hospital in Apapa. I understand. There's a need. But there are other Doctors, and this one has a good reason. Plus, I begged and begged as I have never begged anyone before. Perhaps soldier=inhumane?
   If you have no "big man" in the army to speak for you, go and die. We need a doctor in Apapa.

       I was miffed but at first I thought okay I'll deal. Everyone who's heard is like, Nooo you can't go there. Do you have any idea how it is? Even people that don't know me but hear from my sis. I don't know what it's like. I've never been to Apapa. I've just heard on the radio about the trucks and trailers that bring traffic to total standstill. So I resisted and kept pleading. Now I'm being punished by being asked to come daily and wait all day, only to be told Come Tomorrow. Yesterday I was badly yelled at.

     I'm letting it get to me so much. I'm angry at myself for that. Y'all know I like food. I say it a lot. Unfortunately, I lose appetite once my mood changes. I get upset, no will to eat. Because of this daily punishment, I'm not eating well, ulcer's acting up and I'm ignoring the pain. I'm losing even more weight and feeling weak and sleeping too much and not going out (shocking) even with lots of events to go for. Only the daily drudgery in khaki.
It's not the worst thing in the world. Heck it's not even the worst thing that ever happened to me. I know this. So why has it affected me so much? I'm having a serious case of the blues. I'm even slightly irritated at optimism directed towards this. Lol.
This is not how I usually react to things. What is up??
   Maybe it's because I feel I'm too old for this. I'm not fresh out of school, that was two years ago. I've written professional exams and then worked for a year. I've been financially independent for too long and now because I haven't earned in months and am still being held up, I might have to ask my parents for support which I would HATE to do. They're very loving and Dad told me "If you need anything, please call."
 They know though, right from childhood, of all my siblings I'm the one who would save up my allowance bit by bit to buy what I want,  instead of "gimme money".
    This is adulthood. If you've been independent before, you know how bad it feels to need help again. My mum says that's irrational. Lol. Bless.

       Anyway the sooner they agree to issue this letter and I can get to Apapa, the sooner I can see it's not so bad (hopefully) and snap out of the anxiety.
      On the flip side, I have amazing people in my life that have been doing a lot to make me feel better. I love you guys and you know I'd do the same for you. Kiss kiss. Maybe I can afford to be such a crushed flower right now because I have them?
    
It's not all bad :) Good things have happened too.
     I got to be in the pilot epolisode of a cooking show. It's so far out of my comfort zone to be in front of a video cam. I almost chickened out but I'm glad I didn't. The experience was amazing.  I'll let you all know when and where it'll air. I don't know yet.
   Also, my brothers came to visit for a bit and it was awesome to have all four of us together in one place. It was fun, minus having to cook all the time and clean a lot and manage noise (when I'm not making it myself), but it distracted me from myself for a while. They left yesterday and I miss em.


      That's my life lately. Hope you're having a better time. 

Xx,
NGND

    

   

21 comments:

  1. NYSC and their trouble. I really hope everything gets settled soon. Please try to take care of yourself. I am speaking from experience. I'm facing the consequences now of not taking care of myself.

    You also have your "blog family" looking out for you to. :-)

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    1. Thank you so much Uzoma. You don't know how much this means to me.
      I should know better than to neglect myself. I'll be more conscious

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  2. Aww, sorry o. Always remember that the issue is not the problem, but how we react to the problem. This case, no matter how intense, will be over in a matter of weeks or less. Pele

    Hairstyle Lounge on African Naturalistas

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    1. Thanks Atilola :*
      I've been feeling better since I put up the post. You're right, I'll just ride it out till it's over

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  3. Sorry about the blues dear. One thing that kept me through NYSC (and as a medic who felt I was suffering where I was posted) was, this is just a phase..it shall pass too like every other phase of life.
    Cheers dear.

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    1. Thanks for the comment Tamie. Very encouraging

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  4. My dear.. This too shall pass.
    Youll remember this issue this time next year and youll just smile at the memory.

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    1. That's now the part I'm looking forward to. Hehe
      Thanks Yeva ({})

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  5. Hehe! This isn't possible. Were you not that girl that was brave enough to take the courage to big chop and look where u are now? No I still believe in you,you can do this,you can endure. Time heals everything,including the stress. Short of words now,but the hair fam got you sis.


    hairlevation.com

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    1. Whoooop! Yes girl I'm feeling the love. Your pep talk (Y) (Y)

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  6. Hey common Sandra or Should I say Alex, let me rub it in your face! Common girl, I know how it feels like when you have been there, done that and back again, only for one small riff raff to come and be telling you jazz and you are like hello? do you know who I am?(Ego speaking, but common I earned it, am gonna flaunt it) But in this case, you cant even ask the soldiers that, so dear brace up, thank God you are not among the set of people sent to the north, in my own time, I served in Lagos o BATCH A 2012/2013 and that was the season of bombing, yet people were sent to die in north. I ask myself, is it compulsory to serve your father's land? Babe lets turn the situation for your good, dont allow the situation around you change who you are, rather change the situation around you. So common Sanzy get ready to meet amazing people and patients at Apapa, get ready to have more blog post, because Apapa will be full of stories, get your camera ready to take amazing shots, always be thankful to God for life and hey! Dont stop being a foodie o, I am about to eat roast plantain with fish and palm oil sauce, are you game?

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    1. Lmaooo! I love this girl... Heck yes I want! Boli and fish and sauce is life.
      Yesterday I had the opportunity to air my grievances with the soldier that yelled at me. I let it all out without insulting and he felt bad. It took a load off :D
      Now that I can't escape Apapa I'll see how I can make the best of it. New adventure: water transportation. Hopefully the life jackets work. Lol

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  7. Hey, I would say stick with apapa. It will be over soon. NYSC feels slow but it is over before u know it. Apapa may be quite as bad as it sounds but so what? Make it worth your while. Make lemonades or should I say mango juice?(going with the popular fruit in Nigeria)

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  8. Hey, I would say stick with apapa. It will be over soon. NYSC feels slow but it is over before u know it. Apapa may be quite as bad as it sounds but so what? Make it worth your while. Make lemonades or should I say mango juice?(going with the popular fruit in Nigeria)

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    1. Hey J :D
      Thanks, I'm working my mind over so it won't seem so bad. I'm okay now, kinda ready for the lemonade, mango juice, fruit punch...

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  9. I did my Industrial training in Apapa so I get the issue but I can barely remember it anymore.. This too will pass okay? So please take care of yourself.. Am I the only one that doesn't allow anything get in the way of my food??!! lol. I have totally avoided talking about my Nysc camp experience too cos it'll be like am I the first person but Nne that thing was difficult.. You'll be okay tho.. Happy new year!

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    1. Thanks b. I tell you Ella I struggled before I posted this for the same reason. I didn't even go into what happened on my 1st day in camp cos it's terrible for everyone so let me sharap.
      Hope you're good now camp is done.
      I'm ok now 😃 Planning an Apapa takeover

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    2. Ehnehn, I like the fact that your mood has changed now #ApapaTakeover tinz.
      I'm looking forward to watching the cooking show, what is it called?

      www.tukesquest.com

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    3. :D might as well be positive abi?
      It's called Dinner on Me, a Nigerian derivative of the British Come Dine with Me.
      I'm looking forward to watching it too, with a mix of excitement and dread. Lol

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  10. Aww. I hope you're feeling better now?
    How's it all going ?

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  11. Aww just those times when life gives you real kick in the butt, and then stomps its foot on your back to keep you down in the mud. I know how depressing that can be..and at times it really does feel nice to be wrapped up in your cocoon of misery and depression. Hope it will all get better in time. And remember God is still watching over you. Vent to Him as much as you want, He really listens and will pull you through.

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